Mother’s Day is just around the corner.

I hope this is a good day for you. I hope you have a chance to celebrate your mom and be celebrated by your kids and your husband. This motherhood gig is hard, and you’re totally nailing it.

For some of you, this is reality. Maybe you have expectations that aren’t met for the day; maybe the kids make a mess on your bed out of breakfast. (Okay, just being honest here, but breakfast in bed seems like a terrible idea to me in general. Sounds like a mess. Maybe it’ll make sense when my kids are older?) But just the same, the idea behind the day is that you, as a mom, are honored. That’s awesome. And I don’t want to take away one tiny bit from that.

But also…

There are a bunch of women (maybe you) for whom this Mother’s Day (and perhaps many, most, or all of them) is basically the worst ever.

Maybe you desperately want to be a mom. Perhaps you always have. But life isn’t happening the way it was supposed to. You’re not married. Or you are, but the time’s not right. Or you’re dealing with infertility and every month feels like defeat.

Maybe you are a mom, but you don’t look like it to everyone else. Maybe you’ve lost a child (or children) to miscarriage. Or stillbirth. Or infant loss. Or adoption loss. Or perhaps you’re the mom who, once upon a time, gave a baby up for adoption. Or you had an abortion and it seemed like the only choice at the time, but now it feels like a loss.

Maybe your family looks perfect, but motherhood is hard and it feels like you’re failing and a day to celebrate your role feels like more pressure.

Maybe you have children climbing all over you, but the day is complicated because you also have babies not with you. (Blended family means someone’s away, or you’ve lost children in pregnancy or childhood or later…) It’s not easy to celebrate and grieve at the same time.

Maybe you lost your mom. Maybe not, but you and your mom have a difficult relationship, so the obligatory call is awkward and hard.

Maybe you and your child don’t talk. Or you do, but it’s hard and your heart aches because of the road they’ve been choosing.

Maybe Dad is away or out of the picture and there’s nobody but you to tell your kids that TODAY IS YOUR DAY, DARNIT, SO PLEASE DON’T BE TERRORISTS.

I can’t possibly list every reason why Mother’s Day might be a really, really hard day for you.

But if it is, I just wanted to tell you…

You’re not alone. It feels like the whole world is busy celebrating their perfect Mother’s Days, but I know you’re there. I’m sorry it hurts. I wish I could invite you over for tea (or perhaps rope my sister into making us coffee) and we could talk together and perhaps cry together and, for a few minutes, the greeting card holiday could fade away and you could share your story. Your hurts, your hopes, all the reasons it’s just so darn complicated.

I’m praying for you, friend. Praying that this day that can be such a storm of emotions also holds some gifts of grace and beauty just for you. Praying you see those gifts for the love notes they are from a Father who loves you. He hasn’t forgotten you. He knows your name and sees your tears and feels your pain. And I’m praying he holds your heart close this weekend.

Published by robininalaska

Robin Chapman is a part-time writer, editor, and birth photographer and a full-time imperfect mama, wife, Jesus follower, and normalizer of failure. She’s trying hard to learn how to do this motherhood thing in a way that doesn’t land the whole family in intensive therapy. She has a heart for helping other mamas buried in the little years with hope, humor, and solidarity. You can find her hiding out in the bathroom with an iced dirty chai, writing and editing and making spreadsheets for where she is a cheerleader for mamas, or online looking for grace in her mundane and weird life. She lives in Fairbanks, Alaska with her four delightful (crazy) kids—some homeschooled, some public schooled, some too young for school at all—and her ridiculously good looking husband, Andrew.

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