Wowzers. So… Authenticity as a monthly goal? Beautiful. And exhausting for this introvert.
I learned a lot, which was kinda the point.
I learned that showing up fully in every interaction is totally doable as a moment-by-moment choice. It’s way harder when I look at it as the thing I have to do every time from now until forever.
Also, it’s a lot harder to do in regular life than it was while I was out of my routine.
I learned that it’s hardest to have a “there you are” posture toward my kids.
I learned that I don’t do it very well when I’m tired, which is kind of how this whole season is.
I also learned that perfection isn’t necessary.
When I’m tired and not engaging well, it’s okay. My life is better when I am engaging fully, and every interaction where I do (or at least try) has benefits. But all is not lost when I have an off day.
So on to December.
This month I’m renewing a little goal I held for a while a few years ago. Ready? Really deep…
No second helpings.
After a month where my goal was show up authentically in all of my interactions with others, a goal like only take one helping of dinner seems a little goofy. But it’s my year, my experiment, so that’s what I’m doing.
Let me be outstandingly clear: this isn’t about weight.
If you’ve been following along for any length of time, you probably know that body image is something I’ve struggled with for… well, forever. I could go on and on and on about what happens to my body and my soul when I make weight loss a goal, but I’ll save that for another time. The short version: it’s bad. Really, really bad for me on all levels. I’m fine with weight loss happening as a byproduct of becoming healthy and strong, but I absolutely cannot, will not, never ever again, make losing weight a goal on its own.
This is about mindfulness.
…which is weird, because I’m actually automating a choice (the question of whether or not to have seconds always has the same answer: no) which seems like a decrease in mindfulness, but here’s how it has played out for me: I’m a super duper speed eater. Like, seriously. I could win competitions. And frequently I’ll notice 80% of the way through a helping that I haven’t tasted any of it, but now that I’m paying attention, it’s delicious, and I’d like more, thankyouverymuch.
The ability to choose more means I don’t have any immediate consequences for mindlessness. My hope is, with that option removed, I’ll be a little more inclined to pay attention to this awesome meal I should be enjoying from the start. (Also? I’ll have to be intentional about serving sizes.)
So there we have it. It seems a little anticlimactic, but month twelve of 2016’s experiment is as simple as eating only one serving of dinner.