I just reread through last year’s letter, curious how things have changed in the last 365 days.
Mostly, you have become more you. And I know that’s how it goes, but it’s fun to see you become. You are a delight. You’re full of fire, light, spunk, and determination. There is might and sweetness. There are cuddles and fits. Your skin is still baby-soft and your grin is as impish as ever. You fear almost nothing right now, which is both beautiful and terrifying to your mama.
Sweet girl, a few weeks ago, you and Jenna got into a discussion in the car. Jenna asked which parent she was most like (me) and you asked, too (your daddy.) Then Jenna, being Jenna and the oldest and sometimes less than gracious, was taunting you, holding over your head that she was more like me than you.
You spent the next several days doing and saying things, followed by “am I acting like you, mama?”
It was both flattering and heartbreaking.
I told you this then, but I want to have it in writing:
I don’t want a version of you that is more like me.
I mean, in the ways I’m growing to be like Jesus, by all means… follow me as I follow Him. But in all the other things?
I want YOU. Just you. The you-est version.
I know it’s not always easy to be you. You’re close enough to your sister to feel compared to her frequently, but tailing her by just enough that you feel less-than. (For the record, I don’t see you as less than Jenna.) Your personality is big and your feelings are big and your voice is big and your impulse control isn’t quite developed yet and that causes some friction.
Can I be honest with you? I am ever so excited to see what all of that means as you grow up.
You’re strong and fierce.
That makes you challenging to parent, but it also means you are going to be unstoppable as a big person. (Well, you’re basically unstoppable now.) And now, while you do the hard work of pointing all that strength and fierceness in the right direction, you manage to be delightful and hilarious.
I adore you, my girl. You’re growing up just right. I’m praying for you this year, that you grow in grace and wisdom and self-control. You’re doing a good job.