This weekend, I have a whole lot of friends converging in a city in North Carolina for a guided writing retreat. I decided to start writing this post right now because I’ve exhausted all the Instagram and facebook posts tagged #hopewriters and #guidedwritingretreat. I’m so, so excited for my friends. I went last year, and for so many reasons, the trip was one huge highlight after another. This year, I just couldn’t make the logistics work, mostly because of a certain small somebody who still nurses in the wee hours at 15 months.

I miss them. Yes, I’m bummed about the content I’ll be missing and the chance to plan and execute a real writing day. But “real writing days” aren’t a thing in my life right now, so I can get the highlights from friends later. What I miss is being with my people in real life. I have friends. Good ones. I talk to them a lot. But writing is kind of a quirky hobby and there just aren’t that many people I see day-to-day who understand the draw and the struggles of sharing your soul to bring light and hope to those few readers who need it.

I had a post in my head already written. “Failing at FOMO.” I was going to talk about combating the Fear Of Missing Out with celebration. And that’s a legit thing to do. Celebrating with friends really does combat jealousy, and I figured it should probably do the same for FOMO.

What I’m learning instead, as I attempt it for real, is, first of all, I’m not experiencing FOMO. There’s no fear here, just an ache at missing connection with some friends. Secondly, celebration doesn’t actually cancel out the sadness that I’m missing my people. They coexist. This shouldn’t be a surprise. I feel like by now I should be pretty good with holding contradictory emotions, but somehow I didn’t see it coming. I really thought I was going to be able to beat it and be able to experience only the joy. I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS! YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE A GREAT TIME! TAKE NOTES AND TELL ME ABOUT IT LATER! I’M WATCHING FOR PICTURES!!!

All of that’s there, but the ache remains.

And that’s okay. Just like I was so thankful at the beginning of the month for a friendship worth missing when Kat moved away, I’m grateful for these relationships that are good and real and worth showing up for.

So, to my lovely friends in Charlotte right now… God bless you. I pray this time fills your souls. I’m so very excited for you and I’m cheering for you and can’t wait to hear all about it. Hug each others’ necks for me, okay?

And I miss you. I wish I could be there.

This post is part of a 31-day series called “Grace in Failure.” Other posts from the series can be found here.

31days of grace in failure 4-3

Published by robininalaska

Robin Chapman is a part-time writer, editor, and birth photographer and a full-time imperfect mama, wife, Jesus follower, and normalizer of failure. She’s trying hard to learn how to do this motherhood thing in a way that doesn’t land the whole family in intensive therapy. She has a heart for helping other mamas buried in the little years with hope, humor, and solidarity. You can find her hiding out in the bathroom with an iced dirty chai, writing and editing and making spreadsheets for where she is a cheerleader for mamas, or online looking for grace in her mundane and weird life. She lives in Fairbanks, Alaska with her four delightful (crazy) kids—some homeschooled, some public schooled, some too young for school at all—and her ridiculously good looking husband, Andrew.

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  1. All the yeses to ALL the feels. And for you to have already met many of these wonderful people, this is so tough. It’s like a one stop shop for HW meet and greets! In His time, dear friend. I hold onto the faith that you and I will be there together one of these years. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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